1. How to develop an app – Size matters

Warning!
This post contains a massive amount of irony and sarcasm, thanks to the brainless marketing I have to face day by day.

Size matters, so make your software big

If you are developing a commercial app, make it big.
Very big.
It guarantees the success, because people want big things.
Just think about human sexuality.
People are genetically designed to love big thinks.
Not enough as a proof? Look at the IT industry!

Windows is big and it is the most widespread operation system on the world.
3Ds Max is big and it is an industrial standard for 3D visualisation.
Adobe apps are big and they are industrial standards, too.

LightWave is smaller and obviously has a smaller market share.
Blender is very small (just about 50 MB) and has a very small user base.

It is obvious that there is a relation.

Our researchers are working hard on a project to determine the minimal disk usage what makes an application successful.
Until we will have that info, I give you suggestions to enlarge your app – FOR FREE!

1. Never rewrite any code.
Leave the core old.
People love to collect old things, just see the auctions where people pay incredible amount of money for hundred years old craps.
As a user it is something fantastic to know that parts of the app we use daily contain a 10+ years old code.
It is also inspiring to see those old error messages.
Tradition is a good thing and we love the fact that old bugs die hard, too.
So if you want to add something new, just ‘attach it to the top’.
If you are really good, make it clear visually as well, with a completely different design.

2.  Add unuseful functions, easter eggs or just pure random data
As a user it is wonderful to see new, but poorly implemented things what completely makes former work-flows or files unusable, but have wonderful icons and buttons.
If you don’t have an idea for a new unuseful feature, put easter eggs into a program like Microsoft did it with Excel. (I don’t know if it is a hoax or not, but it is wonderful idea. Respect, Bill!)
It is always good to have a game in an Office package, because it helps to eliminate stress, caused by the fact that Office products sometimes are not even compatible with themselves.
If easter eggs are a ‘no go’ for you,  just add a bunch of randomly generated data.
If you are total lazy and do not want to do that, just sell your app on a DVD instead of a CD.

But I have to say, users are not stupid at all and you should show more respect for them.
They know that big size on the disk means more coding, more features, more tools.
Maybe no user will check the code itself, but they always start with checking the size: if it is bigger, that communicates that you worked for your salaries.
Be careful!
After a while they will leave you if you don’t respect them with size increases.
Even if you try typical user-magnet tricks like making your app far more unstable or forcing them to pay for updates more often.

3. Never use compression for anything.
Making compressed files is cheap.
It communicates that you and your clients doesn’t have money for new hard disks.
Avoid it!
Do not compress your trial versions, do not compress output files.
It is always very calming to wait for the download of a ‘well-unoptimized’ big app in areas like Africa, where you have to use a limited bandwidth or you have to pay for data transfer by megabytes.
It is also good to feel that we do our parts on CO2 emission with the data transfer.

And come in, we users love big output files.
It is cool to say to the co-workers that I made a file for you what is almost 1 gig and I cannot email it.
We also love to wait until these monsters are saved or loaded.
It makes us to feel: ‘I did so much work yesterday that my workstation could barely handle it.’ Isn’t it cool?

VERY IMPORTANT TIP: Always take care that any update of your app must result bigger output files.
Users love to spend money on upgrading their systems.
It is cool to say for the financial managers that all of the computers have to be replaced and it will eliminate a significant part of the yearly profit.
More profit means more taxes, so they will say thank you for the opportunity you offer for them.
It also makes the whole management happy, because they can communicate for the clients how much money they spent on development again.

+1 . Communicate your improvements
If you want to get new users, you have to show the power of your app for them.
Make beautiful charts.
Put the system requirements in focus of your website. Don’t be shy.
Make interviews.
Compare yourself to the big ones as a role model.

Spread the wisdom and tech knowledge of the role models: 
In 1994 an Intel DX-4-100 computer with 48 MB of RAM was capable to to render complex 3D scenes or run several apps simultaneously, but for now we reached that an Android phone with a much stronger CPU and GPU, with 512 megabytes of RAM cannot run an average chat app without lagging.

Applause.

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